IT'S BAAAAACK!
Welcome, True Believers and Supporters of the Turf, my own little corner of the Artificial Turf universe is back!  I'll use this spot to pump the sports teams I love, tear down the teams I hate, and basically keep you up-to-date on how my mind works....which, upon further reflection, is a pretty scary thought!

My Sperm Count is JUST FINE, Thank You!

It gives me tremendous pleasure to introduce all of the Turf Faithful and the legions of J-Ro fans to the newest addition to the "Ro" clan.....

 - About 15 minutes after arrival

 - Sleeping in Daddy's Arms

Little Avery Noelle came into the world at 6:50 a.m. on Thursday, May 29!  Mom had a MUCH easier time with this birth, getting to the hospital at 2 a.m., getting the magical epidural, and only pushing for 10 minutes!  I've known sports talk show hosts that have worked harder than that!

She weighed in at 5 lbs 14 oz (almost double the size of an Olsen twin or Lindsay Lohan!) and 18.5 inches long.  She doesn't cry much, but then again she hasn't met Bill Rogan yet.

Mom and Avery are both doing fine, and are now home.  My son hasn't quite figured out what exactly she is yet, but he has learned that getting to close to her with his plastic baseball bat sends mom and dad into a flurry of activity!

So, now it's time to start planning for the future.....let's see....what should I put on my list of things to do......

1)  Buy that infant Minnesota Vikings cheerleader outfit I've been looking at.
2)  Buy that shotgun I've been looking at.
3)  Buy that vasectomy I've been looking at.
 

tid·bit       (t?d'b?t')  Pronunciation Key  n.   A choice morsel, as of gossip or food: "The book is chock-full of colorful tidbits about theater and theater people" (Alec Guinness).

Keep Tuning In To The Turf.......
Like you weren't going to anyway, but tune in and listen for "J-Ro's Tidbit From New Mexico" every Sunday night (when I'm not working, that is) on Artificial Turf.
 

This Week's Tidbit......

See above baby pictures......I would have to say that qualifies as a tidbit!

TIDBIT UPDATE!

Former United States Marine and exterminator of scumbag theives, Elton Richard (rish-ARD) is still sitting in prison while his wife and young daughter struggle to make ends meet.  HOWEVER, it has just been revealed that the Judge in the case has set a hearing to reconsider his 2 year prison sentence on June 20th.  Richard MUST be freed!

LONG LIVE ARTIFICIAL TURF!!

(Above) Old Metropolitan Stadium in Bloomington, Minnesota where I fell in love with the Twins and Vikings. If you look closely, really really closely, you can see me as an exuberant 9-year old sitting in the left-field bleachers, second deck, section F, row 17, seat 6, next to the old fat guy with mustard on his shirt. Miss You Dad!

An Open Letter to Bill Rogan.....

The Law Offices of Shyster, Charlatan, and Fink
1122 Boogie Woogie Avenue
Albuquerque, NM, 87101

March 30, 2008

Re:  Fantasy Football 2008

Dear Mr. Rogan,

          It has come to our attention that you have, on multiple occasions, proclaimed yourself to be an "expert" on the National Football League.  Certainly, given the fact that you do indeed host a 3 hour extravaganza of hilarity every Sunday night on 710 KNUS in Denver, you can proclaim to have knowledge on a vast array of subjects.  However, it is contested that you are, in fact, an NFL expert.

          You are hereby requested and required to cease an desist calling yourself an expert on professional footballery.  Until such time that you put your knowledge to the test via the glorious world of Fantasy Football, you may not use the title of "expert" in refferring to yourself.

          A temporary injunction has been filed on behalf of one Jim Roser, suing you to stop using the word "expert" when describing your football knowledge.  This injunction and lawsuit will be voluntarily dismissed, provided that you agree to participate in Mr. Roser's fantasy football league this year.

         The Draft in this league will be held in 138 days from the date if this letter.  Please forward your enrollment request to this office via Mr. Roser on or before August 15, 2008.  Failure to do so will result in not only the loss of the title of "NFL Expert", but also the loss of your title of "man".

Sincerely,
Shyster, Charlatan, and Fink, P.C.